Today’s message is one that reflects some of the private conversations that so many of us have had with God. Whether we pray on our knees, talk to ourselves while driving, or cry quietly and simply ask ‘Why?’, today’s message touches on many of the questions that we so often don’t know how to answer, but that seem to come up again and again as we experience humanity.

Some people try to explain that evil does not exist, or that it is merely a psychological factor. But this is not so. The evidence of evil is here in this world. We cannot deny it. If there is no evil, why would Jesus pray, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil”? He is praying plainly that evil does exist.

So the truth is, we do find evil in this world. And where did it come from? God. Evil provides the opportunity for us to recognize and experience goodness. Evil had to be, if there was to be any creation. If you wrote a message with white chalk on a white board, no one would see it. So without the blackboard, the good things in this world wouldn’t be visible. For instance, Judas was Jesus’ best publicity agent. By his evil act, Judas made Christ eternally famous. Jesus knew the role he had to play, and all that was going to happen to him in order that he might demonstrate the love and greatness of God. A villain was necessary to this enactment.

Perfection is not to be found in this world

It’s hard to know where the dividing line is between good and evil. Certainly it is terrible that bacteria kills billions people every hundred years, but think of the chaos of overpopulation. And if everything here were good and perfect, no one would leave this Earth of his or her own accord; no one would want to go back to God. So in a sense, misery is your best friend, because it starts you seeking God. When you begin to see clearly the imperfection of the world, you will begin to seek the perfection of God. The truth is that God is using evil, not to destroy us, but to make us disillusioned with His toys, with the playthings of this world, so that we might see Him.

This is why the Lord Himself permits injustices and evil. But I have said to Him, “Lord, You have always been perfect. How do you know what suffering is? Yet you have put us through these tests; and you had no business doing it. We didn’t ask to be born as mortals and to suffer.” (He doesn’t mind that I argue with him. He is very patient.) The Lord answered, “You don’t have to go on suffering; I have given everyone the free will to choose good instead of evil.”

So evil is the test of God, to see if we will choose Him or His gifts. He created us in His image and gave us the power to choose for ourselves. But we so often don’t use that power consciously. At night, when we leave our bodies during sleep, we all return to our Godlike states. But in the daytime, we become devils – not all of us, but most of us – the unconscious among us. Why not live in tune with God in the daytime, for then we shall know no fear, we shall know no evil. It is easy to say this, but how easy is it to put into practice?

While evil in itself is something we don’t want, yet it is like a poisoned honey, it is palpable, it is tasty. At the table, we are tempted to eat too much, and to eat the wrong things. Then we begin to get fat here and there, just where we don’t want it. In response to our wrong actions, Nature takes revenge and seems to be poking fun at us all the time. It is indeed a funny world! But the results of our wrong actions don’t seem very funny to us! Believe me, I know! This is why many of us quarrel with God and scold Him, “Why have you created all of these terrible temptations that your children succumb to? Why have you made them so pleasurable?” Well, the lesson is simple: the Law of Cause and Effect.

So, since there is no perfection in this world, why continue to seek it here? You may find a little short-lived pleasure, but mostly you will find suffering and injustice. Pain was given to make you know when something is wrong with the body. But when the pain of cancer comes, there is no reason in it. The sufferer has no relief from his pain, and he doesn’t know why he has to suffer. And there are those who need money and can’t get it, and those who don’t need it who easily acquire more. Those who have much want still more; and those who have nothing want just a little, but can’t get even that. Isn’t this true? Why these injustices? Some people are as healthy as can be, and some are always sick. But health or disease doesn’t necessarily determine whether or not you are happy. St. Francis suffered much of the time, yet he was healing the sick and was filled with the joy of God. Suffering has a different meaning for you when you have attained the freedom of God. But you have to attain that freedom first.

We must learn to work without desire, and to live in this world without attachment. As soon as you are caught up in desires and attachments, you will have all the evil that is coming to you. That is why the Gita says “O Arjuna! No (compelling) duty have I to perform! There is naught that I have not acquired! Nothing in the three worlds remains for me to gain! Yet I am consciously present in the performance of all actions.” Those who want to be liberated must do likewise, engaging in service-ful, joyful, and non-attached activity. Most people willingly work hard for money, but they won’t make even a little effort for their salvation. We must work for God. The way to do this is to stop cooperating with evil and to behave as God would have us behave.

We must love one another. Sometimes it is not easy, but to love your enemy means to choose not to become another person’s enemy. By a thought, any one of us could destroy another, but why would we want to? Jesus had that power. When his enemies taunted him to save himself from the cross, he said, “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then shall the scripture be fulfilled, that thus it must be?” He conquered by love. If the ordinary man is slapped, the great desire is to slap back. Therefore, God does not give His divine power to those who are spiritually weak, because they would misuse it. The desire and the strength to forgive comes from attunement with God.

How few you find in this world who are sincere and who want to be your friend for your sake, and not for something they can take from you. Those sincere souls are most enjoyable. Greater than all riches is true friendship. If you can be a true friend to people, you will find God. If you sincerely love people, you can know them, just as when you look through a clear glass, you can see what is in the glass. But your perception of people is unclear unless you love God, and unless you love others with the love of God.

“I can give my life for a sincere soul”

In this world, we will all eventually learn that we must be fearless, sincere, and surround ourselves not only with those whom we can inspire, but with those who can inspire us as well. When we attain heightened levels of clarity, we can begin to help those who are ‘evil’, but trying to do this when we are not yet strong enough ourselves will weaken us. So many of those who try to reform others become infected with their evil.

If you have a mind that absorbs everything like blotting paper, you must keep that mind free from evil influences. Just as blotter paper that has become snaked with spilled oil will no longer absorb water, so must your mind first be saturated with good until it becomes impervious to evil.

Be strong in your own goodness, and try to be helpful to others. The man who only looks out for himself and his own family won’t find much happiness. If he doesn’t think of anyone else who might be suffering, he denies himself the joy of helping another, so his own cup of satisfaction will remain small.

The Cosmic Motion Picture

There is another angle to duality, or good and evil. If a movie producer made motion pictures only from select angles, and showed them in the film houses morning, noon and night every day, he would soon have to close-up business. He has to produce variety in order to attract people’s attention. The bad man makes the hero look so much better! And we like plots that are filled with action. We don’t mind looking at exciting movies about danger and disaster because we know that they are only movies. I remember one time when I was taken to see a movie in which the hero died; it was such a tragedy! So I stayed and watched the next showed until I saw the hero alive again, then I left the theater.

If you could see what is going on behind the screen of this life, you wouldn’t suffer at all. It is a cosmic motion picture show. This movie that God is projecting on the screen of this Earth has no value once you see what goes on behind the screens. Look at the beam of God’s light that is projecting these scenes onto the screen of life. See the pictures of the whole universe coming from this beam. See beyond the illusion.

Another time, I was sitting in a movie theater watching an exciting drama on the screen. At a certain point, I looked up into the projection booth and saw that the projectionist wasn’t interested in the picture, because he had seen it over and over again. Instead, he was reading a book. The projection machine was doing its job; there was the sound, and the beam of light was casting the realistic pictures onto the screen. And there was the audience, caught up in the drama. I thought, “Lord, You are like this man, sitting here in the booth, absorbed in your own nature of bliss and love and wisdom. Your machine of cosmic law is throwing on the screen of the universe scenes of jealousy, of love, of hatred, of wisdom, but you remain uninvolved in your plays.” From age to age, from civilization to civilization, the same old pictures are shown over and over again, only with different characters playing the parts.

When I took my gaze from the beam of light that was casting the scenes on the screen, I looked at the audience and I saw that they were going through all the emotions of the actors in the movie. They were suffering with the hero and reacting to the evil of the villain. To the audience, it was a tragic experience. To the operator in the projection booth, it was only a picture. And so it is with God. He has created pictures of light and shadows, the hero and the villain, good and evil, and we are the audience and the actors. It is only when we identify with the play that we get in trouble!

Without shadows existing alongside the light, there could be no picture. Evil is the shadow that converts the one beam of God’s light into pictures or forms. Therefore, evil is the shadow of God that makes this play possible. The dark shadows of evil are interspersed with the pure white beam of the virtues of God. He wants you not to take these pictures so seriously. The director of a movie sees the murders and the suffering and the comedy and the drama as a means to create interest for the audience. He stands apart from the play and directs and observes it. God wants us to behave with detachment, realizing we are only actors or observers in His cosmic show.

Though God has everything, it can still be said that he has some desire: He wants to see who will remain un-intimidated by this picture, and who will play his part well and come back to Him. You can’t run away from this universe, but if you act in this play with your thought fixed on God, you will be free.

If you feel like saying to God, “Lord, this is a motion picture to you, but it is terrible to us”, He may reply, “I make you realize it is a dream every night when you go to sleep. You simply forget this in the daytime.”

For him who realizes God, there is no evil

The way to supreme happiness will not be found by the scientists nor the material-minded people alone, but by those who follow the masters who say: “Go back to the booth of the Infinite from which you can see the projection of all these cosmic motion pictures. Then you won’t be troubled about God’s creation, God’s play…”

When you are part of the delusion, you suffer.
When you stand aside and watch it, you cannot suffer.
When you are an observer, you can enjoy this play.

And with that, a little story to end today’s message:

A king fell asleep and dreamed that he was poor. He was crying out in his sleep for just a penny for some food. Finally, the queen woke him and said, “What is the matter with you? Your treasury is full of gold, and yet you are crying for a penny.”

Then the king said, “Oh, how silly of me, I thought I was a beggar and was starving for lack of that penny.”

Such is the delusion of every soul that is dreaming it is a mortal, subject to the nightmarish evils of all kinds of disease, suffering, troubles, and heartbreaks. The only way to escape this nightmare is detaching from the dream images of this world. It is because you have your attention on the illusions that you suffer. If you give your heart to man, or to drink, or to greed, or to drugs, you will suffer. Your heart will be broken. The more you seek peace in God, the more peace will devour your worries and sufferings. Suffering comes when the evils of the world are let in. When we learn to be spiritually tough, we enable ourselves to be filled with joy, and thus, evil-free.

Chapter 2: Soul Consciousness

Link to chapter: click here
Length of chapter reading: 36:50 minutes

I am so deeply touched, inspired, impassioned, released by the effortlessly meticulous way in which Tagore weaves words into golden strands of the most brilliant poetry. Poetry of truth, timeless understanding, gentle compassion. These words were written in the beginning of the 1900s yet still resonate the deepest of truths for us today. Tagore’s words perform a dance, frolicking to the tunes of the aged and wise, lacking any sign of tiredness or uncertainty. To reach such a point of clarity…would be divine…

“…a truth opens up a whole horizon. It leads us to the infinite. That is the reason why, when a man like Darwin discovers some simple general truth about biology, it does not stop there, but like a lamp shedding its light far beyond the object for which it was lighted, it illumines the whole region of human life and thought, transcending its original purpose. Thus we find that truth, while investing all facts, is not a mere aggregate of facts. It surpasses them on all sides and points to the infinite reality. As in the region of knowledge, so in that of consciousness, man must clearly realise some central truth which will give him an outlook over the widest possible field.”

Is it possible that we generally tend to overestimate the impact of the discovery of a fact in the short-term, and underestimate its impact over longer periods? Does this mean that the attainment of a wider field of view can only be attained after a process of discovery of truths, rather than in the instant of one discovery? If the All is within all of us, if it exists right now, why is there a need for time to discover it? Is the experience what we really seek?

“…our soul, when detached and imprisoned within the narrow limits of a ‘self’, looses its significance, for it’s very essence is unity. It can only find out its truth by unifying it’s ‘Self’ with others, and only then, it has its joy.”

Perhaps I am learning how to build words, and sentences, and ideas out of letters. Perhaps it is my time to make sense of the alphabet. Perhaps it is time for joy.

“The chick knows that when it breaks through the self-centered isolation of its egg, that the hard shell which covered it so long was not really a part of its life. That shell is a dead thing. It has no growth. It affords no glimpse whatever of the vast beyond that lies outside it. However pleasantly perfect and rounded it may be, it must be given a blow to, it must be burst through, and thereby the freedom of light and air can be one and the complete purpose of bird’s life be achieved.”

Much of my life has become virtual. Perhaps it is due to my travels and coupled with my personality for I have left many friends behind and seem to prefer maintaining relationships from a physical distance. For whatever reason, I find myself communicating through written word more than through any other form. I have found, through this practice of faceless/bodiless connection, that deeper truths and more fulfilling relationships can be cultivated – at least this has been my truth. The lack of physical interaction has opened the door to deeper spiritual contact.

Does this make sense to you? It is as if the virtual space has allowed me to forget about the shell, and connect with a greater vastness. Yet, I remind myself that I am still in physical form for a reason. What that reason is, I haven’t much of a clue. But because it is still a fact that on this plane of existence I have a body, there must be some purpose for the vehicle. So, as I write this, I am experiencing an intense period of caring for the vehicle. I am more intent then ever to nurture it, pay attention to what fuel I give it and what activity I perform with it – all this, in the name of devotion for the chick inside the shell. Perhaps this is my way of attempting to create balance between the virtual and the physical – trying to respect both equally through the discovery of the qualities that make both states divine. Can Spirit reveal more of itself through the virtual world?

“In his sermon to Sathu Simha, Buddha says, “It is true, Simha, that I denounce activities, but only the activities that lead to the evil in words, thoughts or deeds. It is true, Simha, that I preach extinction, but only the extinction of pride, lust, evil thought, and ignorance, not that of forgiveness, love, charity, and truth.”

How often does it occur that we consciously decide from which of these we will make our next choice? How often do we watch the moment from the perspective of an observer?

I once attended a talk in which the speaker reflected on some of the beliefs held within Raja Yoga. After her resonating talk, she walked around the room and shared a sweet biscuit with each person. She also held out a small container, in which there were pieces of paper, one for each of us to take. Each piece of paper had a message written on it. I still carry the message that came to me on that day. I am grateful each time it falls into my hand. I share it with you now:

I am an observer. Being able to observe enables me to be creative, productive and effective because I have made space for true and better understanding.

“Our pursuit of truth in the domain of nature, therefore is through analysis, and the gradual methods of science, but our apprehension of truth in our soul is immediate and through direct intuition. We cannot attain the Supreme Soul by successive additions of knowledge acquired bit by bit, even through all eternity, because He is One. He is not made up of parts. We can only know Him as Heart of our hearts and Soul of our soul. We can only know Him in the love and joy we feel when we give up ourself and stand before him, Face to face.”

Many have asked what the difference is between intuition and the ego – the little voice inside of us vs the loud scream that so often disguises itself as a whisper. Perhaps through the observation of the ways in which we pursue truth – that of nature and of the soul – we can distinguish the voice of the essence.

The attunement process is a ceremony of spiritual awakening that symbolizes the creation of a new connection between you and the Universal Source of Light that aligns you with your Highest Good. You can imagine it as being similar to the process of turning the dial on a radio to find a station. During an attunement, you are ‘tuned in’ to a different station. In other words, you are being attuned to a higher frequency.

A Reiki attunement must be given by a Reiki Master. A Reiki Master is someone who devotes themselves to attaining and maintaining a very high frequency of energy respective to the general masses. A Master’s connection to the Universal flow of energy is high enough that he or she can create a stronger connection between you and the Universal flow. After the final attunement, a person is technically labeled a Reiki Master, but the process of attaining Master-hood takes an undefined amount of time, depending solely on the person.

One of the unique characteristics of Reiki is its tradition of attuning people to the different levels of vibration that are represented in each degree. During the first degree, you receive four attunements and the second and third degree each require one attunement. Attunements are short ceremonies in which the Reiki Master performs a sequence of acts that connect you to a greater flow of energy. The ceremonies create an energy pattern around you when the Reiki Master imprints symbols into your aura. Your energy frequency immediately adjusts to the higher frequency represented by the Reiki symbols. The attunement is permanent.

Remember the definition of Reiki. It means ‘Universal Life Force Energy’. When someone says that they work with Reiki energy, it doesn’t mean that they are accessing a special kind of energy.

I work with Reiki energy = I work with Universal Life Force Energy

There is no distinction between ‘different types of energy’. There simply is energy, or there is no energy. There is no ‘good energy’. There is no ‘negative energy’. Once you realize that everything is energy, you begin to fully understand what the attunement process is and what being a Reiki practitioner means.

There are many sources that will tell you that the purpose of an attunement is to allow you to access ‘Reiki energy’ in order to heal a person or a situation. This is misleading. The purpose of an attunement is simply to give you greater access to the Universal flow of energy. What you choose to do with this new connection is up to you although it is important to recognize that wanting an attunement in order to heal others or to heal a situation are secondary desires.

You will not be able to heal anyone or anything until you begin to heal yourself.

To heal means to balance.

Until you balance yourself, your ability to balance elements around you is limited.

Enlightenment is a two-way process. You are invited to share your experiences of attunement with others who have gone through it and/or who have questions about it by adding your comment here Why don’t I start by sharing an attunement experience with you…

I was attuned to master level in Toronto, Canada – although I was slow to start and tried to ignore that inner voice for as long as I could…because of fear.

My whole attunement process took approximately 2-3 years. I had intensive periods of lessons and attunements with my teacher. These were followed by longer periods with little-to-no contact with him during which time I was encouraged to put the teachings into practice and to observe the changes that were to take place within myself, in my life and to those around me.

I was not encouraged nor deterred from giving Reiki sessions to others. My teacher was supportive throughout the process. I was often reminded that free will was a governing Universal Law and I had the choice each step of the way.

As I became more and more comfortable with the changes that came with this process, I began to hear that little voice in my head more often…although I wasn’t as afraid of it anymore. I noticed myself being inspired to try new things and face fears that I knew were holding me back. I took Kundalini Yoga classes which I thoroughly enjoyed, and opened a Reiki practice that allowed me to give Reiki sessions and attunements to others.

After about a year and a half of advertising myself as a Reiki practitioner – all in the name of empowering others with the benefits of Reiki, I decided to close down shop. My personal experience made me feel that offering Reiki in exchange for money tainted the process and actually limited to flow of energy. This is my experience, and I am by no means saying that this will be the case for everyone.

Since my first attunement, I progressively learned more about energy and made the conscious choice to apply what felt right. After experimenting with different approaches, I decided that rather than singing in the streets about the ‘miracle of energy’, I would respect the fact that everyone chooses for themselves and took the indirect route of simply providing the information to others through my site.

A lot of people have heard about the theories of the end of the world that are predicted to take place in 2012. The fear effect is like a huge snowball, rolling down a mammoth mountain, collecting more and more fear based beliefs with each tumble. It is easy to get caught up in the fear in all the theories, in all the worries, in all the predictions. People talk, and talking manifests more fear and misunderstanding.

Yes, Earth is going through a fundamental period of transformation. Maybe it can be said that the world is ending – AS WE KNOW IT – but that doesn’t mean that it will explode or implode one day and we will all be gone, the end. It doesn’t mean that at all.

What transformation does imply is change. Change can be scary. Change is all about going into the unknown and not looking back. It is about having courage. The magical thing about change is that it comes through the process of evolution – of improvement – or growth and greater awareness. What served us back then no longer serves us now. We have grown out of our baby shoes and it is time to put on a new pair, with thicker soles and stronger laces that will support us as we take on new challenges that will allow us to contribute that much more.

This process of releasing what no longer serves us to make room for the new is what this planet is going through right now. We are going through a cleansing. A renewal. Many of the systems, the infrastructures, the organizations and the collectives that have been given the power to manage our world are no long relevant. They are no longer equipped with the right tools to take us to where we’re going next. That’s why we are witnessing the collapse of industries, economic and political powers.

With transformation comes the inherent shifting of energy. Unemployment is at record highs in certain fields for a reason. Our needs are shifting. New industries are sprouting. Those that were having a hard time finding a place in the old structure are now blossoming. Take this as an opportunity to reevaluate yourself, your dreams, your desires, your passions. What inspires you? What have you ALWAYS wanted to do but never let yourself explore? What guilt are you carrying around with you about not living out your dreams? This is the time to act on your Soul’s Desire. This is the time to take active part in the transformation.

Yes, the world is ending – the world as we know it. What is being born out of the rubble is a new vision of the home to which we’ve been praying to return. Heaven on Earth – that is what the transformation is all about. Dare to have the courage to create you Heaven right now.

This is the time for opportunity, not for fear.

Here’s more about this transformation from Lightworkers:

More about the “Afraid of the Dark” broadcast that they talk about in the video above can be found here.

I’m not someone who signs up for a lot of e-mail newsletters. I enjoy subscribing to blogs because of their variety of content mixed with the personal musing of their authors, but newsletters usually seem to be filled more with advertisements and event announcements then meaty content. I suppose I liken them to weekly columns (blogs) vs. the classifieds (newsletters).

That is, with the exception of one ‘newsletter’ that I have been receiving for years. Once a month, a new Beacons of Light – Reminders from Home broadcast pops into my inbox. The delivery usually comes at a time when I get more emails than I want to read, obligations demand more of my time than I am willing to give, and ‘work stuff’ outnumbers the ‘fun stuff’. Regardless of all that though, the Beacons are always a welcome change of pace.

Rather than being a traditional newsletter, Beacons is a transcript of a channel that is conducted monthly. It’s delivered in numerous languages (and they’re even looking for more volunteers to translate the messages and make them more accessible to others) and are even in video format now. I like to digest it word by word, at my own pace, sometimes reading it once over during a three day period as I reflect upon its multi-layered messages. All this isn’t to say that I resonate with all that is presented in the broadcasts, but I do find comfort in reading a story, experience or perception shared by someone else that so closely resembles my own. In a world that still places so much emphasis on the physical, it can be easy to wonder if you’re ‘crazy’ for feeling that something ‘different’ is happening in the world lately.

I believe in magic. I know it to be true. Synchronicity is magic. Love is magic. Dreaming is magic. Perhaps you will find magic in this month’s broadcast too…

I understand something now that I didn’t understand as I was in the midst of the experience itself. You see, I have recently experienced the Shakti energy in my life. It cleansed, it took away, it cleared out the energies that would not be able to support the higher vibration that I am moving toward, into and through. Shakti (Kundalini) is the destroyer as Shiva is the creator. At some point, the two energies meet, they mingle and dance together until the time for the second comes. The second, the Shiva, the creative part of the journey – it has started for me again. I reached a point in which I was loosing the spark of joy, my passion for things was fading, I was seeing the loss around me, the sacrifice, the cost of change and transformation, and I was getting too tired. Too tired to hold on to what was no longer there, so tired of feeling the pain of loss, and too tired of trying to fit the old me into the new place in which I have found myself. Then I prayed. I prayed for the Universe to guide me to the passion and the joy and the creativity of life once again. Not even two days later, I felt the spark again! I felt it, and because I was so afraid of not feeling joy in each day, I drank in this new vital energy and ran with the inspirations I was given. Sometimes action takes courage, and at other times, it just takes the intention to want to change – the knowingness that there must be change.

One of those sparks was this blog. I have been pushing writing out of my life the moment I felt the strength of the written word. I think the potency…the power…the alchemical magic of writing was so overwhelming that I just simply wanted to run away from it…because I didn’t understand it…I didn’t know where to begin… But, when someone with the inspiration to create blocks off every outlet to express creativity, there is an eventual suffering – a suffering that comes from not letting creativity flow and blossom and heal everything it touches. It is magic, and magic deserves to breath, it deserves to be honored.

I have been asking for the opportunity to shine light everywhere I can. I believe this is part of one of my sacred contracts in this life. I have been waiting for the opportunity, but because it meant so much, on so many levels, when it did come, it scared me away with its possibility! The power – my power – my Higher  Power – was showing itself to me, and I ran away. I have been carrying this fear with me for a very long time although I still don’t really understand why because shouldn’t something so beautiful and so magical as the awareness that anything is possible be, in theory, easy to embrace? After all, isn’t that what we all want? Some proof that there is more? Some sign that we CAN?

Lord, use me as an instrument of thy peace so that I may assist you in bringing Heaven to Earth.

When I was living in England, I would say this prayer to myself as I walked to work each morning. It would help me find peace when I was nervous, or stressed, or sensing that I was loosing perspective of the bigger picture. Maybe it can help someone else out there, so I share it with you now, in this moment.

So…I fill my cup with LIGHT and FUN and LAUGHTER and I sip from my cup as much as I want…because…I am amazing, I am brilliant, I am the Creator of my existence and all my choices reflect my Brilliance because I am in Command!!!

Love and Light!!

Heaving, dripping, panting, gasping, I’m on the elliptical machine at the gym and for a change of pace I’m reading a magazine instead of blazing my iTunes Music Store purchases through my brain – all in a conscious effort to become unconscious of the fact that I’m on an elliptical machine. (Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but I was pushing for an hour of cardio after a Christmas break free from all things gym-related!) In just so happens that I’m reading O Magazine because my mom brought it for me when she came to visit with my dad for Christmas. This happens to be the issue where Oprah is on the cover (in her purple ensemble) facing herself (in her white ensemble) and asking herself, ‘what went wrong?’.

I had one of those ‘Aha’ moments as I was reading Dr. Phil’s advice column (p.52 of the January 2009 issue). He was writing about the concept of you getting in the way of your own success, and the statement that slapped me in the face like a cold fish was, “Your fear is disrupting the flow of your life”. Being in the flow is REALLY important to me because ever since I got a taste of how it feels to be in the flow, being out of the flow just feels sooo bad. Pain, suffering, confusion, identification with the body – all those things start creeping up when I start resisting.

The reason this statement is affecting me so much is because I think that my resisting the organic flow of my life recently prevented me from getting a job interview for a position that I think I really would have loved.

To make a long story short (which doesn’t say much for the writer in me!), I just moved to the States from the UK. When I was living in the UK, the iPhone was released in the States. I’m a huge Apple fan. Couple that with the fact that I haven’t had a good relationship with my cell phones in the past and you have a fruity fanatic with an insatiable urge for a new apple. I was really looking forward to getting an iPhone. I had so many beautiful plans for our future! We were going to be so happy together. Then this little thing called ‘credit history’ enters the scene and my dreams go poof. That’s ok though, I thought to myself, because all I have to do is to go to AT&T every week in the hopes that my credit goes up enough for them to know that me and my iPhone are meant to be. Didn’t realize, of course, that the more often they check credit, the worse it gets. (Believe it or not, not every place runs on American rules!)

Anyway, I was so resentful to the fact that I was being made to wait for the cell phone that I decided simply not to get any phone at all (and definitely NOT an archaic land line) and just rely on Skype to talk with family and friends in the meantime. I also had an old cell phone with a US number that got hardly any reception in my new apartment, but that’s the number I gave whenever I had to give a contact number. Like for example, on my resume…

I wasn’t sure where I was going or what my next big step would be, so I decided to plant a few seeds, one of them being to take a quick look on Monster for any jobs that caught my eye. I saw a job for a Learning Manager at Weight Watchers and applied. I didn’t give it much more thought until I got a call from their recruiter the day after who wanted to have an impromptu telephone interview with me then and there. I was fine with that – a little pressure is fun The thing is, as I was trying to understand what she was saying, I was running around the apartment (hoping she didn’t hear that I was panting) desperately seeking a spot where I could get at least ONE BAR of service! Needless to say, after 3 dropped calls, her patience was exhausted. I eventually got her direct line and left a voicemail (while standing outside where there is better reception) but she had already moved on I guess because I never heard from her or that opportunity again. The worst part is that the last thing I heard her say way, “Well, it sounds like you’re perfect for the job!”

Without boring you too much, it’s important for me to say that Weight Watchers has been a saving grace in my life 3 times. It changed my life and has empowered me to learn how to develop a healthy relationship with food. That’s why this job would have been amazing. I would have been given an opportunity to be in a position to teach and inspire others…and that’s sort of what I’m about. Anyway…

The point here is that perhaps if I hadn’t let my ego drive me into a crazed frenzy to settle for nothing less than an iPhone, perhaps I would have had that impromptu interview on a land line and this story could have gone very differently.

Fear is the way the ego controls us. Did I disrupt my own flow? The more I think about it, the more I think I did… Being in the flow means surrendering. When we insist on thinking that we know best, we are no longer in the flow because we’re allowing our ego to guide us. The lesson I take from this experience is that surrender trumps desire – everytime! Oh, and also that patience is indeed a virtue! I’m also learning to happy with what I have – even if it is a landline