Fear and flow…

Heaving, dripping, panting, gasping, I’m on the elliptical machine at the gym and for a change of pace I’m reading a magazine instead of blazing my iTunes Music Store purchases through my brain – all in a conscious effort to become unconscious of the fact that I’m on an elliptical machine. (Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but I was pushing for an hour of cardio after a Christmas break free from all things gym-related!) In just so happens that I’m reading O Magazine because my mom brought it for me when she came to visit with my dad for Christmas. This happens to be the issue where Oprah is on the cover Oprah - O Magazine(in her purple ensemble) facing herself (in her white ensemble) and asking herself, ‘what went wrong?’.

I had one of those ‘Aha’ moments as I was reading Dr. Phil’s advice column (p.52 of the January 2009 issue). He was writing about the concept of you getting in the way of your own success, and the statement that slapped me in the face like a cold fish was, “Your fear is disrupting the flow of your life”. Being in the flow is REALLY important to me because ever since I got a taste of how it feels to be in the flow, being out of the flow just feels sooo bad. Pain, suffering, confusion, identification with the body – all those things start creeping up when I start resisting.

The reason this statement is affecting me so much is because I think that my resisting the organic flow of my life recently prevented me from getting a job interview for a position that I think I really would have loved.

To make a long story short (which doesn’t say much for the writer in me!), I just moved to the States from the UK. When I was living in the UK, the iPhone was released in the States. I’m a huge Apple fan. Couple that with the fact that I haven’t had a good relationship with my cell phones in the past and you have a fruity fanatic with an insatiable urge for a new apple. I was really looking forward to getting an iPhone. I had so many beautiful plans for our future! We were going to be so happy together. Then this little thing called ‘credit history’ enters the scene and my dreams go poof. That’s ok though, I thought to myself, because all I have to do is to go to AT&T every week in the hopes that my credit goes up enough for them to know that me and my iPhone are meant to be. Didn’t realize, of course, that the more often they check credit, the worse it gets. (Believe it or not, not every place runs on American rules!)

Anyway, I was so resentful to the fact that I was being made to wait for the cell phone that I decided simply not to get any phone at all (and definitely NOT an archaic land line) and just rely on Skype to talk with family and friends in the meantime. I also had an old cell phone with a US number that got hardly any reception in my new apartment, but that’s the number I gave whenever I had to give a contact number. Like for example, on my resume…

I wasn’t sure where I was going or what my next big step would be, so I decided to plant a few seeds, one of them being to take a quick look on Monster for any jobs that caught my eye. I saw a job for a Learning Manager at Weight Watchers and applied. I didn’t give it much more thought until I got a call from their recruiter the day after who wanted to have an impromptu telephone interview with me then and there. I was fine with that – a little pressure is fun 😉 The thing is, as I was trying to understand what she was saying, I was running around the apartment (hoping she didn’t hear that I was panting) desperately seeking a spot where I could get at least ONE BAR of service! Needless to say, after 3 dropped calls, her patience was exhausted. I eventually got her direct line and left a voicemail (while standing outside where there is better reception) but she had already moved on I guess because I never heard from her or that opportunity again. The worst part is that the last thing I heard her say way, “Well, it sounds like you’re perfect for the job!”

Without boring you too much, it’s important for me to say that Weight Watchers has been a saving grace in my life 3 times. It changed my life and has empowered me to learn how to develop a healthy relationship with food. That’s why this job would have been amazing. I would have been given an opportunity to be in a position to teach and inspire others…and that’s sort of what I’m about. Anyway…

The point here is that perhaps if I hadn’t let my ego drive me into a crazed frenzy to settle for nothing less than an iPhone, perhaps I would have had that impromptu interview on a land line and this story could have gone very differently.

Fear is the way the ego controls us. Did I disrupt my own flow? The more I think about it, the more I think I did… Being in the flow means surrendering. When we insist on thinking that we know best, we are no longer in the flow because we’re allowing our ego to guide us. The lesson I take from this experience is that surrender trumps desire – everytime! Oh, and also that patience is indeed a virtue! I’m also learning to happy with what I have – even if it is a landline 😛

One Comment

  1. Zachary says:

    viyavi misuli. givmtsainde Air flow-s metodit, magram me pasdaklebas vegar mivustsari da 60 lari girs. saertod araa mtkivneuli, ai saertod. kargad gavudzeli. marinastan viyavi, mometsona dzalian. akhlo momavalshi dabjenvas vapireb.

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